Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at £9,000 per month.

My granddad started walking five miles a day when he was 60. He'll be 97 years old now and we haven't a clue where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about £400. Haven't lost a single pound; apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with beer.

The only advantage of exercising every day is that when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

We all get heavier as we get older, it's because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour pub and by the time I leave, I look just fine.